Ralph Steadman’s Whisky Smuggling Lads

Young Ken Inverdunk,
a cooper who served the smuggling trade well. He invented the first false-bottomed barrel to hide the illicit product of his former friends around Elgin when John Smith went legal. He conceived the idea that if every legal barrel he made looked a certain size it would not be noticed that he built in another 20 percent for peatreek-‘the angels’ share’ he would say to justify his dishonesty.
Lemmuch Knockladdie
was a guid for recruits to the smuggling trade.  Dimly uncommunicative, he would send the gaugers off in the wrong directions along a well-worn path, by silently pointing his knobble stick, then beckon glumly to his young compatriots to follow him in safety.  His expression never changed and many referred to him as “the man wi’ the Pot Still Face”.
Blind Bag Crieff Mogran,
known for the size of his sporran which was ussed to secrete illicit peatreek whisky.  He would stumble about for days under its weight and his shortsightedness.  As long as the path went downwards, he reckoned, he must eventually reach the lowlands and the receivers’ secret depot.  To return home he merely stumbled back uphill or hitched a ride on a donkey that knew the way.

About Author

Josh is an author, former blogger, media critic, x-Capitol Hill legislative aide and White House assistant, business consultant, idea marketing specialist, a squatter at the global village virtual bar and an alpine rock gardener where he lives in Woodstock, NY.