Editor’s Note: What’s a bar without friends, whisky, beer and some jokes. Here are a few of my favorite jokes and beer sayings to get us started. What are your favorites? Share them in the comments section below.
“You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.”
singer, songwriter Frank Zappa
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
the mailman, Cliff Clavin, from the TV sitcom, Cheers (pictured above)
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
comedian Henny Youngman
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
actor, singer, Dean Martin
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'”
humorist and author, Jack Handy
